Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
