They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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