Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
