im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
