i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Text me some of your sweat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
