I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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