So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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