I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
