If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
