we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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