Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
