We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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