Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
