Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
