How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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