God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sober January is a disaster.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
