The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
