woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
