Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
