I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
