You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
