ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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