Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
