if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
