Yo dont text me then not text me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
