i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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