I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.