Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?