Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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  (213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj
  Replies (9) Good night (6308) Bad night (708)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.

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  (312): I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved. http://tfl.nu/f2dp
  Replies (5) Good night (3148) Bad night (1014)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  :( I miss blowjobs.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.

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  (862): :( I miss blowjobs. (973): This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/jn5t
  Replies (22) Good night (2990) Bad night (896)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

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  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6551) Bad night (1142)
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  (530): View more from California

  She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

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  (530): She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth. http://tfl.nu/q63e
  Replies (10) Good night (1009) Bad night (3669)
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  (530): View more from California

  it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam

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  (530): it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam http://tfl.nu/24cr
  Replies (4) Good night (3384) Bad night (1032)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She's just so happy...and so naked.

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  (303): She's just so happy...and so naked. http://tfl.nu/5upc
  Replies (3) Good night (2954) Bad night (644)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.

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  (770): When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first. http://tfl.nu/jx84
  Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (486)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.

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  (513): Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse. http://tfl.nu/2bnv
  Replies (1) Good night (1072) Bad night (573)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned

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  (908): And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned http://tfl.nu/t8ci
  Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (440)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was "against protocol"

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  (479): I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me. (479): It was "against protocol" http://tfl.nu/5591
  Replies (5) Good night (797) Bad night (355)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process

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  (785): Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process http://tfl.nu/ls0g
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (299)
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  (518): View more from New York

  How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?

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  (518): How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video? http://tfl.nu/qafj
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (263)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.

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  (503): If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it. http://tfl.nu/6z3z
  Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (406)
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  (516): View more from New York

  ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok

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  (516): ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok http://tfl.nu/9kls
  Replies (0) Good night (360) Bad night (99)

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