Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with