he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms