She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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