it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?