Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.

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  (978): I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud. http://tfl.nu/nbnf
  Replies (15) Good night (1400) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2657) Bad night (536)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

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  (603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background? http://tfl.nu/ypnh
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"

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  (617): So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK" http://tfl.nu/gedz
  Replies (17) Good night (5156) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?

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  (914): you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig? http://tfl.nu/9ypp
  Replies (12) Good night (3147) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.

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  (828): last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew. http://tfl.nu/yza6
  Replies (17) Good night (5544) Bad night (976)
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  (516): View more from New York

  the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

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  (516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt
  Replies (24) Good night (1208) Bad night (7072) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.

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  (817): Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned. http://tfl.nu/x9uh
  Replies (7) Good night (2374) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

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  (850): He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket." http://tfl.nu/lw9r
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.

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  (320): Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later. http://tfl.nu/4ix3
  Replies (8) Good night (1234) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?

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  (403): Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker? http://tfl.nu/tlpb
  Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, they all thought you were gay.

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  (412): Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls (724): Dude, they all thought you were gay. http://tfl.nu/k7ip
  Replies (7) Good night (1053) Bad night (367)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING

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  (201): Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING http://tfl.nu/cx17
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So many things can go wrong tonight.

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  (770): So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun? (404): So many things can go wrong tonight. http://tfl.nu/anjg
  Replies (3) Good night (1032) Bad night (186)

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