Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
