I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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