can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
