bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
