a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
