I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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