Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
