ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize