Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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