When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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