I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
