I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
