She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
