Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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