i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
