I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
