I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
