Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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