Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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