Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
