Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
