No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
