honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
