Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i barfeds in our rink
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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