I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
