sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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