We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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