i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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