Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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