it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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