you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
