How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
